Where's the Tomatoes?

Ehhh, you’ve probably heard it before, perhaps from the pulpit. “If we truly reap what we sow, some of you out there better start praying for crop failure.”

Yeh, well certainly before August 1978, (yep, it’s been that long) I definitely sowed some seeds that I am glad never sprouted. But ever since that fateful day when I knelt by my bed and offered up my own rendition of “the sinner’s prayer”, “Lord, this is really hard for me…to turn my whole life, every bit of it over to you. But, I realize you probably couldn’t screw it up more than I have.” Have you ever heard such a great prayer of faith and trust!? I realize it wasn’t filled with faith or Trust, but God in His mercy and sense of humor, let me in anyway. (I won’t get into how I feel about that cause my eyes will be so filled with tears I won’t be able to see the keyboard.) He didn’t see me that day the way I was. He saw what he could do with a finally surrendered heart.  He had the big picture.

In the darkest moments of my life, which happened to be after I gave it all to Jesus…hmmm, I’m thinking that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. The sinner’s prayer is supposed to be my “get outa jail free” card. This earth and all its junk and  all its pain will now be a walk in the proverbial park. Oh, that’s right, that’s what I wanted to believe, and truth be known what a lot of people led me to believe. When right there in His How-to-live-in-a-fallen-world handbook it says, very clearly that we will suffer trials and persecutions.  In those darkest moments and in some tough places since, He has always, by His mercy, given me the big picture. And it’s made all the difference.

My crop of hopes and dreams are like when I plant those delicious Heirloom tomatoes and up comes Brussels sprouts or lima beans, or bokchoy...when my careful planting and pruning and watering yields some foreign food. Now, actually I happen to like Brussels sprouts and lima beans (no idea about bokchoy, but it sounds gross) but if that’s not what I was expecting….I don’t sit around googling Brussels sprout recipes. I sit around wondering what the heck went wrong, and, unfortunately there is usually some complaining involved.

Why did my crop fail? I prayed, and prayed hard, mind you. I did everything the manual said. Okay, maybe I didn’t follow it perfectly all the time, but man, I sure followed it more than well enough to get me some tomatoes! And some really nice sweet glossy red ones too!

And here’s the real sting of it all. This is not the first time I’ve had what seemed to be a crop failure. And each time, it stings a little more. Cause each time it waters my disappointment. “But I was so sure about this crop, I took even greater care this time. What’s going on here?”

Sure, I could find some recipes for my surprise crop, and it just might taste pretty good, but that’s not the point. I want what I planted. I wanted it last time …and the time before that, too! Frankly, I’m pretty sick of this little drill. This wasn’t what I was expecting. Ahhh,  those ever-present, persistent expectations… will I ever learn?

So up from my “garden” I look and ask Him to give me the big picture. Getting to see how God was arranging even the toughest of times into a beautiful field of redeemed circumstances, furrow after gently tilled furrow, gave this weary farmer renewed hope.

 Ohhhh, now I see. Oh, ok, I get it.  Oh, you’re making this totally delicious enormous pot of  soup that calls for all sorts of vegetables. The great blend of all my supposed crop failures is making it more savory and more nutritious every time….oh, I see. Now I see the big picture. I see all those people eating it too. They were hungry and tired. Now they’re full and rested. My vegetable garden really isn’t about me, is it?

Oh, Lord, you were just trying to get me to work along side you…and I was trying to get, well, what I wanted.