Have you seen those t-shirts
that say”This ain’t my first rodeo”? They make me laugh out loud and
smile and think, boy, is that ever the truth.
Reminds me of what I have told my girls, seems like a thousand times….”I
was born at night, but not last night”.
Yes, I have been “around the block” maybe one too many times, but, even
though I am considered a Senior citizen by the Williamson County Rec Center,
there still are some things I haven’t experienced yet.
Last Saturday our daughter Caroline
graduated from High School. That was my “first rodeo”, in that department. And
although I definitely “came to the dance late”, and there’s probably tons of
you out there that have already been to that “Rodeo”, I hadn’t. Not til last
weekend, at least.
I’ve been preparing for this
day since her first day of Kindergarten, which, incidentally was last week, or so it seems to this Momma.
Makes me wanna stand on a
very tall and wide soapbox and shout to all the new Moms out there “BELIEVE
EVERYTHING THEY’RE TELLING YOU ABOUT HOW FAST IT GOES, AND DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES
EVERYTIME THEY SAY TO ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT!
(that was me shouting).
If I had a dollar for every
time some well-meaning Mother-of-a-graduate rodeo veteran told me that…let’s
just say I’d be writing this from some island with my own personal cook and
masseuse.
But now I’m one of them, and
I struggle with telling young Mothers those very same words, or just keeping my
mouth shut…and drool over their soft sweet babies or chubby chatty toddlers.
Most of the time, I restrain
myself, knowing full well that they’ve already heard it a gazillion times, but
sometimes I’m feeling verklempt enough to just go ahead and say it. I tell
myself that somehow no one, or not enough Rodeo vets have told them, and that they need to hear it
from me, and when they see the tell-tale
glistening in my eyes that they’ll stop and think about it.
The truth is, I was so utterly aware of it, soaking up
every hug and squeeze and smell, telling and re-telling all their cute little
brilliant quips (even though I didn’t get to post them on Facebook or
Instagram) trying to enjoy every minute, but knowing that is
impossible… and it snuck up on me anyway. There’s just some things in life that
cannot be simulated, or known what it’ll feel like until, this time, it’s
you. It’s you with the lump in your throat, fighting back the tears,
losing that battle and wondering if it would be really weird if you let out
just one relieving sob. Okay, relax, I didn’t let out that sob. I held it
together, sort of.
I had been feeling on the
verge of tears for the last six weeks since she shone like a constellation as
she presented her Senior thesis, defended
it, (with the coolness of a ph.d. candidate) in front of a panel of
teachers, and presented her Senior 40 hour project, each receiving a perfect
score. ..Something that has never been done in the history of the school. Her
thesis was on abortion and she’s already been asked to speak at a conference
workshop by someone who was there and heard her wax eloquent. WELL NO WONDER I was such
a mess as she strode confidently down the aisle in that cap and gown, looking
all grown up, even though she’s barely seventeen and I know she’s my baby. To
me, we’re still at the beginning and she’s sitting at her little desk learning her ABC’s and 123’s. But, that wasn’t last week, and yes, we are at the
beginning…the beginning of learning to
let go.
Next year I get to ride in
this rodeo all over again. And although I’ll know a little more about how to stay in the saddle, I imagine I’ll be just
as big a cry-baby cowgirl as I was on Saturday.
